


Extinguishment

by spiffycups



Category: Baahubali (Movies)
Genre: Canon-Compliant, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 20:21:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12116514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiffycups/pseuds/spiffycups
Summary: His life story.





	Extinguishment

You’re nearly one and you’re trying to stand up on stubby legs and Siva-ma is clapping and beckoning to you and you push yourself forward and forward until you fall into her lap and she’s kissing your face and exclaiming “Baahu! Baahu!” and you are the happiest you’ve ever been

You’re two and you try to lift the sword but it’s so heavy and you only fall on your bum; Bhalla is already saying bigger words and he’s walking and grabbing everything and you want to be like your _anna_ he’s so big and brave and strong you don’t have any better friend

You’re three and the thunder is scaring your best friend and you grab onto him tight while you two hide in the bushes, you’re dripping wet and you want to cry, Bhalla says ma is coming to find you but you’re convinced you’re both so lost you’ll never see your families again

You’re five and you can write your letters and you can draw a mountain and Bhalla draws a river onto your mountain and it becomes infinitely better, it looks complete now, you hadn’t even realized it was unfinished before, and you kiss his cheek and gift your painting to Siva-ma and why is everyone laughing?

You’re nine and Kattappa has taught you the coolest move ever, and as the sun beats down harshly onto your back, you ignore the heat and swing your dagger again and again and again, until it’s a part of you, an extension of your mind and body, and you can control it just right and Kattappa’s smiling proudly from where you can’t see him, but you can see Bhalla disappointed and trying to hide it and you don’t understand jealousy yet so you feel sad for him and try to teach him too but wait why is he walking away

You’re eleven and this puja is the most grown-up thing you’ve done so far, and Ma thinks you’re ready to start your own prayers and you grab that scorpion and Ma’s approving smile as she glances back is worth the pain of the sting inside your palm

You’re fourteen and _Bhalla kissed a girl_ and this is fantastic and the two of you climb up onto the broad branches of the oak tree and whisper to each other and you try not to fall out in excitement and he’s blushing redder than Ma’s kumkum and isn’t this the most exciting thing you’ve ever done

You’re fifteen and Ma is angry, you’re not to fight in the battle against the invading pillagers, and you’re almost a man, and there’s a shouting match where Bhalla shouts the loudest and you point to all the heroes from the epics she raised you on, but she’s still saying no, and as night falls, you slip away to Kattappa and make him promise he’ll guard Ma with all his strength and he laughs because Bhalla asked him the same thing that evening and you smile slowly and he lets you inspect his weapons once more so he can protect her better and you finally feel your vibrating anxiety calming down a little

You’re seventeen and the ministers call for a coronation and you glance at Bhalla out of the corner of your eye and he shakes his head minutely and oh thank goodness - Ma just decreed that she will be succeeded when she becomes unfit to rule and you smile in relief as your brother smirks; you both know she is invincible, now it’s just that small matter of finding that immortality potion…

You’re twenty and Kattappa wouldn’t stop repeating the story of how he defeated his teacher and you were so annoyed you and your anna challenged him to a contest and now only when you’re looking at him stalking into the battle ground looking grim that your stomach starts to flutter and Bhalla is standing right beside you with his sword drawn and he hears your nervous gulp and he murmurs “Jaya Baahu!” and you shake off all your fear and then it’s only dancing through the same movements you’ve been practicing for a decade and the clang of three swords sets a steady rhythm while you search and search for an opening in his defence but the old man is just too good

You’re twenty one and it’s three more months until you and Bhalla can stop having to wake up before sunrise and loudly chanting in the battle grounds “Kattappa is invincible” and as you pass the guards slumbering where they stand, you sigh as you regret challenging him a year ago

You’re twenty four and this time the invaders do not face Sivagami, they face Amarendra Baahubali and you will have that vermin’s head for daring to speak against your mother

You’re twenty five and you can’t believe your country is so beautiful, and you’re dancing in a bar with three courtesans falling all over you and you’re laughing uproariously inside your mouth that Bhalla, that idiot, went spying while you get to be drunk and prance around these swaying hips and pouting lips

 

You’re twenty five and a half and you see her

And time stops.

You didn’t know you could feel so many things, and you never want to stop looking at her, and you follow her to her palace and you dream of waking up next to her, and dancing with her, and cooking for her- and she just let out a raging bull at you but it’s alright, you bless the bull for being able to lean into her embrace as you fall

You’re twenty five and three quarters and she’s singing to you, and the breeze comes wafting down to you from where it caressed her hands and if you close your eyes you can almost remember how it felt when she held you on your bed a few hours ago, and you let her lullaby put you to sleep

You’re twenty six and you let Devasena walk on your shoulders, and you’re fairly certain Kattappa is laughing at you but you couldn’t care less about anyone else, and she smirks when she sits down and your heart is singing and you think you’re flying in the clouds away from anyone else and you stand away from her because if you let yourself near her you’re sure to want to kiss her

You’re twenty six and it’s all wrong, everything is upside down, and even as your heart beats wildly in your chest, you gather up your courage and let it flow into your words as you stand your ground against your mother

You’re twenty six and a half, and after your brother takes his oath in the name of God, you take yours in your mother’s name; whatever you swear on, you will swear in her name only from this point onwards; she might dislike you, but you will never do her that injustice, because has she forgotten how much you love her, adore her, respect her? She hasn’t looked you in your eyes yet and as your chest tightens, you wonder if this is what hurt feels like

 

You’re twenty seven and Devasena takes your little finger in hers around the ceremonial fire, your heart couldn’t feel bigger and your smile illuminates the room, and Bhalla stands at the forefront raining flowers upon you and your wife – and you want to jump in joy you get to call her yours, finally- and Sivagami Devi has gifted rubies and gold to you, laid upon reams of silks and Devasena smiles at her mother-in-law and then at you, and you dare to hope that reconciliation might happen after all

You’re twenty eight and a quarter and Devasena kisses your cheek and smiles into your eyes and you want to run into the city shouting in elation and you want to faint at the same time, God, you’re only twenty eight, can you really raise a baby, and after you laugh and cry and whoop in your living rooms, you drop to the floor exhausted and grinning, and your wife is growing a small person inside of her, and your eyes widen once more as you begin to understand the complexity of Devasena and you hug her tight and rain kisses upon her face

You’re twenty nine and Kattappa is teary-eyed at your wife’s request, and Kumaravarma has come with gifts, bless his heart, and then Ma is here and Bhalla speaks and everything goes south very quickly and suddenly you’re no longer commander

You’re twenty nine and you just killed a man in full court

You’re twenty nine and your anger has no limits it’s going to rip out of you and this court will flood with the blood of unethical men and Devasena inches closer to you and you breathe a little slower

You’re twenty nine and the people adopt you

You’re twenty nine and you realise you were always adopted- by Ma, by Kattappa, and now by the people you ruled over

You’re nearly thirty and it’s almost midnight when your mama is fending off men by your side, and even amidst the deafening clash of metal your thoughts are with Devasena and your child who could be born any minute, and you want to tell Kattappa that you want to go home to your family now, and you can’t form the words because there’s a sword in you, and your mind slows down to an almost glacial pace,

and you know without seeing that this is your end, as all warriors know,

and you wish it ended differently but that is not to be, and you will have to deal with this

and you raise yourself onto the hard rocks, and gasp and shudder in pain, and you speak to Kattappa

and you know the night crossed into your thirtieth birthday sometime between when you killed someone and when Kattappa killed you,

and you’re thirty and you want peace, you don’t want any more fights and ego-fueled stand-offs, and all you want is to live with your family and run and play with your son, and braid Devasena’s hair and massage her feet, and to see Ma every few months, and the pain in your chest is the universe’s answer reminding you that you won’t get any of that

You’re thirty and this is how you end, and the world will have to go on without you now.

**Author's Note:**

> can you leave me a comment please? :)


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